The first blessing of my day was the extra hour of sleep afforded by the end of Daylight Savings Time. I awoke just when I love to on a Sunday morning, well ahead of my daughters with enough quiet time for morning prayers and a very hot cup of coffee, a treat I reserve for Sundays. I am quite aware of how every penny of my last paycheck went straight toward paying November’s rent. It is also perfectly clear to me that I do not have much of a safety net in the bank, nor can I rely on any help from my husband. But I did not worry about any of that this morning.
Indeed, there is less food in my kitchen cabinets than usual, but I managed to provide a decent breakfast. This morning it was egg salad sandwiches they wanted — and happily received. The needle on my dashboard fuel gauge is pointed right at the middle and the optimist in me has been winning the war against the pessimist. For now, I’m OK. The tank is half full.
This brings me to another blessing of the day: knowing what makes me feel most fully alive. Today it was loving my girls with toasted peanut butter sandwiches and from-scratch spiced hot cocoa after coming in from the cold. I watched my 12 year old’s shoulders soften as she sipped from her cup. “This is glorious,” she said. My simple efforts in the kitchen were not at all gratuitous nor insignificant. I think it’s easier for everyone to relax when home feels like home, safe and secure and normal. There is no doubt my girls would survive if I had to leave them all day to work a Sunday, but I don’t think they could thrive under that circumstance.
None of this is about patting myself on the back. I’m not nominating myself for Mother of the Year. This is about paying attention to the movements of my heart, the way I feel deep, deep down when I’m actually following God’s plan for my life and I know it because even when it doesn’t feel good, it feels right. Mothering my girls feels right. Writing a blog feels right too.
In two weeks we will work out a child support agreement in court, but that is in two weeks.
Today we are just fine. Thriving, actually.
Today life is not about struggling or striving. Gracing me with its morning prayers and peanut butter and hot cocoa, today life is beautiful art-in-progress, thanks be to God.